You are out there on your own, sometimes with a partner and sometimes not, wondering if every decision you make will be the right one for your child. Hoping for just ten uninterrupted minutes to yourself, wishing your baby would stop screaming, and wondering if this makes you a bad parent.
It doesn’t.
There is one simple statement that will make your day:
You only have to get it right 30% of the time.
Research (Tronick, 1986) has found that ‘good enough’ parenting is sufficient to ensure secure attachments in children, and that this number turns out to be around 30%.
Next time you yell at your child, or wait a little too long to pick them up when they’re crying, don’t hate yourself. Don’t go immediately to the thoughts that you are ‘not good enough’ or that you ‘can’t handle being a mother’. Instead, remember the 30%, and engage with your child fully again at a time that’s right for you.
There are also a number of things we hear over and over again that just aren’t helpful. They may be from other mothers, doctors, teachers or your own parent.
It’s time we debunk these myths.
Myths of Motherhood
- A mother is selfish if she wants a break or expresses her own needs
- A mother ‘copes’ no matter what
- A mother must be available 24/7
- Motherhood is romantic
- A woman will instinctively know how to be a mother
- A mother will love and attach with their baby the second they see them
- A mother needs to breastfeed to be a good mother
These myths can be detrimental to the mental health of mothers! Comparing themselves to others and then beating themselves up when they aren’t the same. Instead, take the pressure off yourself.
Ask for help when you need it. Ask questions when you need to. Increase self-nurturing activities and social interactions.
Most importantly, remember that you don’t have to be perfect.
